soon...

Me: "We have a responsibility to know everything and have a full understanding of Christianity before we step out as leaders." 

Professor: "Then no one would be able to lead." 

This was a comment I made in bible school and it's a conversation that to this day I remember. I realize that this false ideal is a major handicap in my life. The need to be perfect prevents me from trying. It completely robs me of my confidence. I have been feeling called to address something for quite sometime but have been putting it off not knowing how to proceed, what avenue to take, how to back up my conviction with the appropriate proof. If I could write the perfect essay, or build a blog that has a solid following giving me an appropriate stage in which to really affect change; maybe I will wait until someone approaches me to write something or speak at a conference out of the blue, then I will know that this really is a calling in my life and be able to move forward with God's blessing. 

Stepping out and saying what is on your mind is a scary thing - there will be push back, some might be offended. Do I let that stop me? Coming from a pacifist background standing up for change at the risk of controversy is something we, Mennonites, have been extremely successful at avoiding. Right now I am praying for the wisdom to know how to proceed and the sensitivity to all sides of this issue.

intimate

Disclaimer: I have since amended my belief around this. Andrew Farley spoke at the Meeting House this last summer and challenged my faith in a fantastic and necessary way! Listen to the podcast here: The Naked Gospel

As Christian’s we hide behind the theology that the blood of Jesus covers all our sins. We are home free or heaven free whatever. WRONG. The blood of Jesus covers all sins we are repentant of.
This challenging truth was the topic of the service a few weeks ago. Seems impossible – do stand a chance? There are, no doubt many attitudes and behaviours that I am not even aware of – or that I have ignored for so long that they have become invisible.
O, Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down.
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
There is my hope. I’m a mess. Without God’s help I have no way of exposing the root cause of all the ways I have been separated from God. He knows – intimately acquainted! All I need to do is ask. And then ask again for help. Then be prepared to work through it.
This is not a onetime sit down fix with Jesus. A quick verbal incantation is not enough. It’s an ongoing battle. But what better way to get to know yourself and change yourself then with the One who created you and is intimately acquainted with all your ways.
First Published on Barkmans Blog 1.26.2008

Do I Have the Proper Training?

I have annoyances with Christianity. I have strong opinions about huge issues. When I feel like I need to speak up I have one thought – I don’t have the training. Training is not a requirement, this I know. However one of my grievances of people with opinions is false conviction. Let me explain. Do you know with authority what you are talking about? Is it based on truth or on what you’ve been taught? Is it ‘truth’ after God’s own heart or are you feeding into the false teaching based on mistakes the Christian faith has taught and held strong to in the past?

This is not fear – but resolution. I need to get into the Bible more.

Today I signed up for a Bible reading plan.

First Thing's First

Sunday’s To Do List:
1. Start a Blog – check
2. Come up with Blog ideas – check
3. Write first intro Blog – check

Starting a blog seems like the thing to do post-Julia and Julia and before then too I guess. The biggest question when starting a blog is, “what are you going to write about?” The next question is usually, “and who is going to read it?” The answers: this blog is going to be about me – with a twist. I’m going to focus on life as a ‘Christian Girl’ – whatever that means. This will be an honest look into the thoughts, the realizations, and the discoveries that cross my path in my day-to-day life.

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT claim to have everything figured out. Throughout my growing up years I searched for a devotional – a way of focusing and challenging my walk with God. This is my semi-grown up way of providing just that for you – if you care to follow.

If you read something here that you don’t agree with pray about, research it, and challenge it. That just might be the point.